Context, patterns and the arguments
I want to understand more
Most of what makes abuse hard to see in a gym is ordinary, and looks like nothing much at the time.
Not only sexual
Abuse in BJJ can be psychological, physical, bullying, hazing, neglect, grooming, online, or retaliation for speaking up — and the forms often overlap. What abuse can look like →
What the numbers say
From Shut Up & Train (Jiujiteira Magazine, 2020 — 1,566 valid responses across 51 countries):
- 25.7% of women were harassed by someone in the BJJ community.
- 43% of harassment came from someone in a position of authority, and 62% from someone of higher rank.
- 69.8% of those harassed were white belts at the time.
- 20.6% told nobody. Only 18.4% told the gym owner.
Fourteen myths about sexual misconduct
The more we understand these myths, the better we can protect our community. Tap any one to read why it doesn't hold.
"It would never happen in our gym."
Probably the most common myth of all. Abuse doesn't only happen in "bad gyms". It can happen anywhere people trust one another and where there are power differences. Good communities don't become safer by believing abuse is impossible — they become safer by being prepared if it happens.
"He's always been nice to me."
Someone can be an excellent coach, a trusted training partner, a great friend — and still harm someone else. Your experience with a person is real, but it isn't everyone's experience. Two things can be true at the same time.
"If it were serious, they would have reported it immediately."
Many survivors never report at all. Others wait weeks, months, or years before telling anyone. Fear, shame, confusion, loyalty to the gym, and concern about not being believed are all common reasons people stay silent.
"If nobody complained before, there probably isn't a problem."
Silence is not evidence that nothing happened. People may stay quiet because they don't know who to tell, fear retaliation, think nobody will believe them, don't want to damage the gym, or simply want to put it behind them.
A lack of reports doesn't mean a lack of incidents.
"BJJ teaches respect, so predators wouldn't last long here."
BJJ teaches techniques. People bring their own values onto the mats. Training doesn't automatically make someone respectful, ethical, or safe. Good character still requires accountability.
"They're just being friendly."
Most inappropriate behaviour begins with testing boundaries, not with obvious assault. Repeated unwanted messages. Comments about someone's body. Unnecessary physical contact outside training. Special treatment. Pressure to socialise alone.
Each action may seem small on its own. Patterns matter.
"They're adults — they can sort it out themselves."
Sexual misconduct is not simply a disagreement between two adults. Power differences matter: belt rank, coaching authority, competition opportunities, popularity, age, experience, or influence within the gym. These dynamics can make saying "no" much more difficult.
"Talking about safeguarding will make people think our gym has a problem."
The opposite is usually true. Clear safeguarding policies show that a gym takes members' wellbeing seriously. Most people don't see safeguarding as a red flag — they see it as professionalism.
"Removing someone from training means we've decided they're guilty."
Temporary safeguarding measures are not findings of guilt. Sometimes the safest decision is to temporarily separate people while concerns are assessed. This protects everyone involved and allows thoughtful decisions rather than reactive ones.
"False allegations are common."
Research consistently shows that intentionally false reports of sexual assault are uncommon, and occur at rates similar to false reports of other serious crimes. Most reports are neither proven false nor proven true — they simply cannot be conclusively resolved because of limited evidence. That uncertainty should not be confused with fabrication.
"We shouldn't get involved — it's a private matter."
What happened may be private. Whether someone can train safely at your gym is not. Gym owners have a responsibility to create a safe training environment for everyone.
"The gym's reputation should come first."
A gym's reputation is built by how it responds, not by whether incidents ever occur. Trying to minimise, hide, or ignore concerns often causes far more damage than responding transparently and compassionately.
"Safeguarding is only about protecting women."
Anyone can experience sexual harassment or abuse. Women are disproportionately affected, but men, non-binary athletes, LGBTQ+ practitioners, and young adults can all be victims. Good safeguarding protects everyone.
"This is just part of martial arts culture."
No. Close physical contact is part of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Harassment, coercion, abuse of power, and sexual misconduct are not. Knowing the difference, and acting when boundaries are crossed, is part of being a good training partner, coach, and gym owner.
How manipulation works
One of the reasons sexual misconduct can be so difficult to recognise is that it rarely begins with obvious abuse. People who engage in abusive behaviour often rely on manipulation, trust, and confusion rather than force. Their actions may affect not only the person they target, but coaches, teammates, and the wider gym.
Building trust first
Most people who commit sexual misconduct do not appear dangerous. They are often well-liked, helpful, charismatic, experienced, respected — or seen as role models.
This is sometimes called grooming: gradually building trust and creating opportunities to cross boundaries without immediately raising concern.
Being a respected coach or training partner does not make someone abusive. But neither does it make them incapable of abusive behaviour.
Testing boundaries
Abusive behaviour often escalates gradually. It may start with inappropriate jokes, comments about someone's body, unnecessary touching outside normal training, private messages, unusually special attention, or encouraging secrecy.
Each incident may seem too small to justify concern on its own. Taken together, they form a pattern.
Dividing the community
Another common tactic is creating "sides":
- "If you believe them, you're betraying me."
- "Real friends would support me."
- "The gym has to choose."
This pressure can make coaches and teammates feel they must decide immediately who is "right".
Using reputation as a shield
- "I've been coaching for 20 years."
- "I've helped hundreds of people."
- "Everyone knows I'm a good person."
These may all be true. Good reputation and harmful behaviour are not mutually exclusive.
DARVO
One of the best-known manipulation tactics is called DARVO, a term coined by the psychologist Jennifer Freyd. When confronted, a person may:
Deny
"That never happened."
Attack
"She's trying to ruin my reputation." "You're overreacting."
Reverse Victim and Offender
"I'm actually the victim here." "Everyone is unfairly attacking me." "This accusation has destroyed my life."
The goal is often to shift attention away from the original concern and towards the accused person's distress or reputation. This can leave gym owners and teammates feeling confused about who needs support.
Experiencing emotional consequences after an allegation is understandable. But those consequences do not, by themselves, tell us whether the allegation is true or false.
Why this matters
Recognising these patterns does not mean that every allegation is true, or that everyone accused is using manipulation. It means understanding that these responses are common enough that they should not automatically determine how we judge a situation.
Instead of asking "Who seems more convincing?", ask:
"How can we respond in a way that protects people's safety, respects everyone's dignity, and avoids making assumptions before the facts are known?"
That is the foundation of good safeguarding.